Do you feel it’s your duty now to, sort of, pay your mum back for what she’s done? She looked after you… so you have to return that favour. Right?
Let’s unpack how this shows up in your life and connects to the bigger picture.
At its core, putting everyone else’s needs before your own, to the point of neglecting your health and wellbeing, is a sign of unresolved emotional dysregulation and a lack of boundaries (hence, the emotional eating).
For you, it’s always been this way where you’re juggling work, home responsibilities, and the unspoken role of being the glue that holds your family together.
Your mum, who once cared for you, now needs your care. It feels like a moral obligation. You love her deeply and want to honour all she’s done for you.
But while you’re busy being everything for everyone else, something quietly starts happening in the background…you stop showing up for yourself.
You skip meals or grab whatever is quick and comforting. Usually foods you know don’t make you feel great, but you’re too exhausted to care.
Late at night, when the house is finally quiet, you find yourself reaching for snacks, not out of hunger but to soothe the overwhelming feelings you’ve been bottling up all day.
You’ve been running on empty for so long (even decades) that you’ve forgotten what “full” even feels like. Full of energy, full of peace, full of yourself.
This is emotional eating in disguise.
It’s not just about food.
It’s about all the emotions you’ve been carrying. The anxiety, the guilt, and the constant fear that you’re not doing enough.
You feel stuck in a cycle…taking care of others…neglecting your needs…and then turning to food as your only outlet.
This cycle is magnified during midlife.
Your body is changing. Hormonal shifts leave you feeling exhausted, and menopause symptoms like night sweats and mood swings make everything feel harder. Add in the joint pain that flares up every time you try to exercise, and suddenly, even small acts of self-care feel impossible.
You know something needs to change, but the idea of prioritising yourself feels selfish, even wrong. After all, who else will step up if you step back?
The truth is, this isn’t just about your mum, your kids, or your job.
It’s about the belief that your worth is tied to how much you give to others.
This belief is deeply ingrained, but it’s also what keeps you trapped in emotional eating.
Every time you ignore your own needs, you’re reinforcing the idea that you don’t deserve care.
And the longer this goes on, the harder it becomes to break free.
You’re not alone in this.
Midlife women are under immense pressure, facing the 6 Ps of midlife transitions (as coined by Chip Conley): such as personal changes like empty nesting, professional shifts like retirement or starting a new career, and physical challenges like menopause.
These transitions are overwhelming enough on their own, but when you’re also battling emotional eating, emotional dysregulation, hormonal shifts, and neurodevelopmental challenges…it’s no wonder you feel stuck.
What you’re experiencing isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s your brain and body’s way of trying to cope with the constant stress.
Emotional eating is a survival instinct. It’s your brain reaching for something…anything…to soothe the discomfort.
But here’s the good news. This cycle can be broken.
The first step is recognising that caring for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s essential.
By addressing the root causes of emotional eating, like your emotional dysregulation and hormonal shifts, you can start to rebuild a healthier relationship with food, your emotions, and yourself.
And when you do, you’ll not only feel better physically but also have the energy and resilience to care for your loved ones without losing yourself in the process.
Your mum deserves care, but so do you. It’s not either/or – it’s both.
When you start showing up for yourself, you’re not just helping yourself, you’re setting a powerful example for everyone around you. Because a woman who prioritises her wellbeing is a woman who can give from a place of strength, not sacrifice.
The first step to solving this problem is realising that the way you’ve been trying to fix it, by pushing harder, doing more, and ignoring your own needs, has been working against you, not for you.
In the past you might have been told to “just find balance” or “take time for self-care,” but that advice feels impossible when you’re already stretched thin.
The truth is, this isn’t about balance or bubble baths.
It’s about rewiring the way you think about your role, your worth, and your relationship with yourself.
Here’s the insight that changes everything:
You don’t need to earn your right to take care of yourself.
You don’t have to prove your value by over-giving or putting yourself last.
In fact, the only way to truly care for others is by first learning how to care for yourself. Not as an afterthought or a reward for getting everything else done, but as a fundamental, non-negotiable part of your life.
This might sound simple, but it’s not how you’ve been wired to think.
You’ve been taught by society, by your upbringing (it certainly was for me a thousand percent!), maybe even by your own inner voice, that a good woman sacrifices.
A good mother, daughter, partner, or employee puts others first. (Wow?!)
And somewhere along the way, you started to believe that if you weren’t constantly giving, you were failing.
That belief has shaped everything, from the way you prioritise your time to the way you treat your body.
It’s why you skip meals, ignore your exhaustion, and reach for food late at night to fill a void that has nothing to do with hunger.
But here’s what nobody tells you…
…this way of living is unsustainable.
It’s why you feel burnt out, disconnected, and out of control around food.
And it’s why no amount of willpower or dieting has ever worked for you because the root problem isn’t food.
It’s that you’ve been running on empty for so long, you’ve forgotten how to fill yourself up in ways that truly nourish you.
It starts with reframing how you see self-care. (It’s sooooooo important!)
Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s survival. It’s not something you do once everything else is done. It’s the foundation that makes everything else possible.
Think of it this way…you can’t pour from an empty cup. And right now, your cup is bone dry.
Here’s what this looks like in practice:
Shift your mindset: Start small by giving yourself permission to matter. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but remind yourself that prioritising your wellbeing isn’t just good for you, it’s good for everyone around you. When you’re rested, nourished, and emotionally balanced, you show up as the best version of yourself for your family, your work, and your life.
Reclaim your time: This doesn’t mean dropping all your responsibilities. It means finding small moments to check in with yourself throughout the day. Maybe it’s five minutes of deep breathing in the car before you pick up your mum. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, like saying no to something that drains you. These tiny acts add up, creating space for you to feel human again.
Redefine nourishment: Emotional eating often stems from unmet needs. Instead of punishing yourself for it, get curious. Ask yourself: What am I really hungry for? Is it rest, connection, or a moment of peace? When you start to meet those needs in non-food ways – like journaling, walking, or talking to a friend, you’ll notice that the pull toward food starts to lose its power.
Reconnect with your body: Right now, your body might feel like the enemy. It’s tired, achy, and not doing what you want it to do. But your body isn’t the problem, it’s the messenger. It’s telling you what it needs: rest, movement, nourishment, and kindness. By listening to those messages, instead of ignoring or punishing them, you can start to rebuild trust with yourself.
This approach is not necessarily something you’ve not heard before (because when the steps feel light or minor, it’s natural to doubt they could bring about the transformation you’re looking for), but you probably didn’t realise it’s everything to do with addressing the root cause: the belief that you don’t deserve care.
By shifting that belief…everything changes. You stop seeing food as the only way to cope. You stop feeling like you’re constantly failing. And you start to feel something you might not have felt in years: peace.
Deep down, you want to feel worthy…
You don’t need to do more, give more, or prove anything to anyone. You just need to come back to yourself.
And when you do, you’ll find that the energy, strength, and clarity you’ve been searching for were there all along. You just needed to allow yourself to claim them.
When you start addressing this problem, the belief that your worth depends on putting everyone else first, you’ll begin to see a ripple effect in your life.
I know I’ve said this multiple times already, but this isn’t just about emotional eating or even self-care.
It’s about creating a foundation for the overall outcome you’ve been longing for: permanent weight loss, a healthier relationship with food, and a life where you feel calm, in control, and confident in your own skin.
Here’s how this transformation happens and why it works:
1. Rewiring your mindset lays the groundwork. As you shift from “I have to earn care” to “I deserve care,” something powerful happens…you stop operating in survival mode.
When your brain isn’t constantly stressed and overwhelmed, it becomes easier to make choices that align with what your body truly needs.
Emotional eating starts to lose its grip because you’re no longer using food to cope with guilt, exhaustion, or feelings of unworthiness.
This process doesn’t happen overnight, but within the first few weeks, you’ll start noticing small changes. You’ll feel more connected to your body, more aware of your emotions, and less reactive to stressful situations.
This awareness is the foundation for permanent change.
2. Learning to listen to your body strengthens trust. As you tune into your body’s signals like hunger, fullness, and the need for rest, you’ll begin to rebuild trust with yourself.
Right now, that trust might feel broken.
You’ve spent years ignoring your body’s messages or trying to control it through diets or strict rules.
But as you practice listening without judgment, you’ll notice that your body isn’t the enemy, it’s your greatest ally.
Within a few months, this new connection will help you break free from the cycle of restriction and emotional eating.
Instead of seeing food as a source of comfort or control, you’ll see it as fuel that supports your energy, health, and wellbeing.
3. Addressing the root cause creates sustainable habits. When you no longer feel trapped by the need to over-give or the guilt of prioritising yourself, you’ll find it easier to create habits that stick.
Things like meal planning, gentle movement, and daily moments of rest won’t feel like chores or luxuries – they’ll feel natural and necessary.
And because these habits are rooted in self-care, not self-punishment, they’ll be sustainable for the long term.
By six months, you’ll likely start noticing real, measurable changes in your physical health.
Your energy levels will improve significantly.
Your weight will have started to shift. Not because you’re forcing it, but because your body is finally getting what it needs.
You’ll feel less driven by cravings and more in control of your choices.
4. Emotional regulation unlocks long-term freedom. This is the tipping point. As you become better at recognising and regulating your emotions, you’ll stop relying on food as your go-to solution for stress, boredom, or sadness.
Instead, you’ll have tools…like mindfulness, boundaries, and self-compassion…to navigate life’s challenges in healthier ways.
This is when the real freedom kicks in.
Around the one-year mark, you’ll start to feel like a new version of yourself. Someone who doesn’t just cope with life but thrives in it.
Emotional eating will feel like a thing of the past. Not because you forced yourself to stop, but because you’ve grown beyond it.
5. The overall outcome becomes your new normal. The ultimate goal, permanent weight loss and freedom from emotional eating, isn’t just about the number on the scale.
It’s about feeling at home in your body, knowing you can trust yourself around food, and having the energy and confidence to live the life you want.
It’s about waking up each day feeling calm, centered, and capable, no matter what challenges come your way.
This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey that takes time, anywhere from six months to a year to see major shifts, and longer for those changes to become deeply ingrained habits.
You’re not just solving one problem. You’re creating a life where your health, happiness, and wellbeing are no longer on the back burner. They’re front and centre, right where they belong.
And when you get there, you’ll look back and realise it wasn’t about finding balance or doing more. It was about learning to value yourself enough to finally take care of you.
Honestly, for me, this isn’t just theory, it’s personal (seriously, personal!).
I’ve been through it, and I’ve poured everything I’ve learned into creating a framework that truly works. It’s not about the quick fixes or the surface-level solutions.
And let me assure you, for someone with ADHD, I’m all about the quick-fixes. But they just don’t work for the long term.
It’s about deep, meaningful change that empowers you to rewrite your story.
And here’s what I know now:
It’s not too late for you. The first half of life may have been spent taking care of everyone else, but this next chapter? It’s yours. It’s your time to devote that same care and love to yourself, to rebuild, to grow, and to thrive.
I believe in you with all my heart. I believe in your ability to make this shift, to reclaim your health, your energy, and your sense of self.
Because you deserve to live your second half of life as the strongest, healthiest, and most independent version of yourself, on your terms.
This is why I do what I do. It’s my mission, my passion, and my purpose to walk this path with you.
Together, we can heal what’s been holding you back and design a life you’re truly excited to live.
Let’s make your second act your best act yet.
